Let me ask you a question. If something happened to your parents tomorrow, would you know:
- Where their will is?
- Who makes medical decisions for them?
- Or what their actual wishes are for their care and assets?
For most families, the answer is no.
Not because they don’t care, but because these conversations feel uncomfortable. Talking about aging, illness, or death isn’t exactly a popular dinner topic. But avoiding these conversations can create serious stress, confusion, and even financial loss for families later.
I’m Darcel Lobo, and I’ve been an estate planning attorney for nearly 17 years. Over the years, I’ve seen firsthand how much easier things are for families who had these conversations early; and how difficult things can become when they didn’t.
If you’re a Millennial with aging parents, these are five critical estate planning conversations you should have sooner rather than later. And make sure you read all the way to the fifth one because this is the issue that can cost families the most money.
- Ask: Do You Have a Will or Trust?
The first and most important question is simple: Do they have an estate plan? This usually means having at least a will, or sometimes a revocable living trust. If they do have one, there are two important follow-up questions:
- Who is in charge? (Who is named as Executor or Successor Trustee?)
- When was it last updated?
Estate plans are not meant to sit untouched for decades. Life changes, and estate plans should change too. For example:
- Have there been births or deaths in the family?
- Have assets significantly increased or changed?
- Have there been marriages, divorces, or relocations?
An estate plan created 20 years ago may no longer reflect their wishes or current laws.
- Ask: Where Are the Original Documents?
Even if your parents have a will or trust, another critical question is: Where is the original document? This matters more than most people realize. In many situations, the original document is required to administer an estate. I’ve seen families struggle because they knew a will existed, but no one knew where it was. Common places people store estate planning documents include:
- A home safe
- A filing cabinet
- With their attorney
- In a safe deposit box
Safe deposit boxes can actually create problems if no one else has access. If the key is lost or the named executor isn’t authorized, accessing the documents can become complicated and time-consuming. Make sure your parents know where the originals are — and that the person responsible for handling their estate can access them when the time comes.
- Who Will Make Decisions if They Cannot?
Estate planning isn’t just about what happens after someone passes away.
It’s also about who can make decisions during their lifetime if they’re unable to.
This is where documents like powers of attorney become critical.
Situations like Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, or serious illness can make it impossible for someone to manage their finances or make medical decisions.
Your parents should have documents that clearly identify:
- Who can make financial decisions for them
- Who can make medical decisions for them
And just like with their will or trust, you should ask:
Where are these documents stored?
Without them, families may have to go through costly and time-consuming court processes to obtain authority to help their parents.
- What Are Their Wishes for Care?
Another incredibly important conversation is about your parents’ wishes for their care.
This includes questions like:
- Is it important for them to stay in their home as long as possible?
- Would they prefer assisted living or other care options if needed?
- What are their end-of-life care preferences?
Many people also create documents such as:
- Advance Healthcare Directives (Living Wills)
- POLST forms (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment), which are commonly used in Washington State.
These documents help ensure that medical decisions align with their values and preferences.
Without them, families are often left trying to guess what their loved one would have wanted — during an already emotional and stressful time.
- Do You Know Where Their Assets Are?
This is the conversation that surprises many families — and the one that can cost the most money if overlooked. Do you know where all of your parents’ assets are located?
For example:
- Bank accounts
- Retirement accounts
- Investment accounts
- Life insurance policies
- Real estate
- Cash savings
It may sound simple, but I’ve worked with families who had no idea where their parents’ assets were held. Sometimes assets are spread across multiple institutions. Sometimes they exist as older accounts that haven’t been touched in years. And occasionally, people literally hide money in places like:
- Inside walls
- Under floorboards
- Inside couches or mattresses
(Yes — these are real examples.)
Here’s the challenge: while you can pull a credit report to discover debts, there’s no equivalent report that shows all of someone’s assets. If you don’t know about an asset, you may not know to claim it. Eventually, unclaimed assets may end up with the state’s unclaimed property office, but that can take years and doesn’t guarantee everything will be found.
That’s why many estate plans include an asset inventory — a simple document listing accounts, institutions, and important information to help loved ones locate everything when needed.
Why These Conversations Matter
I know these conversations can feel uncomfortable. They’re emotional. They’re personal. And sometimes parents don’t want to talk about them. But the reality is this: If you’re a Millennial — like me — you’re very likely going to be the person handling these matters someday. You may be the one sorting through:
- Filing cabinets
- Old paperwork
- Decades of financial records
I’ve represented adult children going through estates where parents lived in the same house for 40 or 50 years. Trying to piece everything together after the fact can be incredibly stressful. That’s why I tell my estate planning clients all the time: A comprehensive estate plan is one of the greatest gifts you can leave your family.
It brings clarity, organization, and peace of mind to the people you love most.
Start the Conversation Today
If this article encourages you to do one thing, let it be this: Start the conversation with your parents. You don’t need to solve everything in one sitting. Even starting the dialogue can make a huge difference. If you want to learn more about wills, trusts, and estate planning, visit our YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@dallawfirm
And if your parents are ready to speak with an attorney about creating or updating their estate plan, my office offers consultations via Zoom, phone, or in person in Normandy Park, Washington.
Taking action today can make things much easier for your family tomorrow.
